this past weekend, i saw one of my best friends get married. ALL of my high school peeps were there and then they stayed and played in boston with me. it was a weekend of grandeur and booze and laughs and love and silly immaturity.
so why am i melancholy today?
because i lost my scarf.
my long, cozy, WARM purple scarf. it got left behind at the hotel and the hotel says they haven’t found it yet. in case you’ve been under a rock, it is november. i live in massachusetts where the winters are mean. i need that scarf now more than i want it.
scarves aren’t expensive and (again) it being november, they are abundant in stores right now. i can replace it quite easily, but it won’t be the same. it won’t be the same rich hue. it won’t be as soft and warm. it won’t be the original. but if i really think about it, it’s just some yarn strung up in a fancy shape. why is this loss bothering me so much?
maybe because a replacement won’t carry the same memory of shopping with my mom and sister E. maybe it has something to do with the fact that this situation could have been avoided if i’d done one last check around the room. maybe it has something to do with how scatterbrained i’ve been feeling. it’s been a long, stressful summer which has morphed into a fast paced, stressful fall and the winter shows no signs of stopping. i’m multitasking while multitasking and we all know that dividing your attention and then subtracting it by half doesn’t do anyone any favors. and this time, my scarf was the casualty. RIP purple scarf from H&M.
speaking of losing things, i recently lost a raging battle — against myself. (i didn’t even need to go to linda grimes for an excuse.) i managed to come up with approximately 2,098,374 other things i could be doing rather than writing.
even if the things i did other than writing were productive in terms of real life, i needed to make writing my priority. and i didn’t. i don’t know if it’s because the scenes i need to fix are challenging and i’m scared. i don’t know if it’s because i’m just tired from having house guests over all weekend. i don’t know if it’s the lack of a real deadline. i don’t know if it’s the weight of expectations on my shoulders. i don’t know if it’s because my laptop is a piece and it’s annoying to use. i don’t know if i’m having trouble editing on a screen instead of with a pen and paper. i don’t know if i’m just lazy. i don’t know if i need a break. i don’t know what it is.
and i don’t know how to re-motivate myself.
i’m energized by my WIP, but i can’t bring myself to stop reading books and start writing.
what do YOU do when you are blocked? (in writing, in driving, in reading, in cooking, in designing, in cleaning, in riding, in running, in studying, in creating, in life?)
what do you do when you’ve lost something that you know can’t be recovered? should i just learn to knit?
*the title of this blog makes a lot more sense if you read this.