the change monster

sitting in the house which sits in the town which houses the high school i went to, i’m struck by all the things that have changed since i graduated. new faces (BFs, GFs, husbands, wives, babies), new cars, new clothes, new developments, new responsibilities, new money, new conversations, new roads, and new jobs have expanded and enriched my life and my relationships, and i can’t help but wonder in what ways am i different and in what ways am i still the same?

i’m still shy, but around those who know me best, there are often times when they can’t shut me up.

i’m still athletically inclined, but instead of two hours practices six days a week, i’m lucky to hit three miles three times a week.

i still love to read and i still sneak it in anytime any place.

i still adore children, but the more i learn about childbirth, the more freaked out i get. (holy cow, women are amazing and brave creatures.)

i still dream of being a writer, but now my daydreams are interspersed with the hard work needed to get there.

i have more responsibilities, more bills, more memories, more family members and more friends, but how much of my core self has changed? how much of it should have? i have different habits and different focuses, but i’m still bad at math, still bound to get hopelessly lost, and still fiercely loyal to those who work their way past my armor. two of the three of those would be nice to get better at, but if i put all my energy into learning my times tables (ha, kidding, i totally know 7 x 8 is 56), maybe it’d take away the spare moments i have to catch up with friends and family and is that really worth it?

can we ever completely change? is that really necessary? is it possible to fix your flaws while maintaining your essence of good? how do we decide what needs to change and what’s okay to remain the same? how do you know which is which? is it all trial and error?

will i ever like pineapples?

i obviously don’t have the answers, just the questions. if you’ve got some answers, go ahead and share. please and thank you.

10 thoughts on “the change monster”

  1. I think the key here is to know which of these changes really matter. Pineapple? Meh. I’m sure you could eat it if your life depended on it, but why waste energy on something so minor? Multiplication tables? That’s what calculators are for. Getting lost? That’s just an opportunity for adventure (just make sure you leave early :)).

    As you can see, I have a very Zen approach about this. (It occurs to me that another word for Zen is procrastinator :)) It happens when it’s time for it to happen. I think you will know it. If it doesn’t feel urgent, then it probably isn’t.

    1. yes, i realize a lot of the questions i asked are minor. that was my (apparently not so successful) attempt to lighten up an otherwise deep thinking post.

      but i do still wonder though about change. what’s necessary and how much is good for you? it seems you’re suggesting a change of attitude, which i have been working on, so YAY, i’m moving in the right direction. :)

      1. Yeah, yeah, I know you weren’t being serious about the pineapple, but that was the easier question to answer :)) Since I’ve no clue about the bigger ones :)
        You are definitely moving in the right direction, just by thinking about these things and asking these difficult questions that have no easy answers!

  2. Try what appears important at any time and if it works out, you’ve changed. If doesn’t work out, try something different and keep trying till you find what feels right. I’ve made many mistakes and actually have learned much more them from my “successes”. Love, grandpa

    1. my first mentor in the publishing biz told me “when a book goes bad, that’s when you learn.” i’ve never forgotten it probably because it’s true! and judging from your comments, it’s also true for life because when the going gets tough, that’s when we learn about our true selves and what (if anything) needs to change.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s