pain addled thoughts

De-elevating the foot. A tsunami of blood to the toes. Pressure. So much pressure. How did I get to be leagues under the sea?

Breathe in.

“It sucks when our bodies disappoint us.” (AC)

Pain so loud, the anatomy of my foot is outlined in red against my closed eyelids.

Breathe out.

It hurts. It itches. It’s fine down. Now it’s not. It’s better elevated. I’ve never thought so much about one specific portion of my body.

Breathe in.

Will I ever be anywhere other than this room?

Back pain. Arm pain. Hip pain. Ankle pain. Toe pain. Pain from overuse. Pain from underuse.

Breathe out.

50+ stairs.

Fuzzy brain. Tired. So tired. Guilt. Exhaustion. Clear headed. Frustration. Boredom.

Breathe in.

Everything takes longer than before. Not just the physical but the mental. Having to re-adjust my thought process from I’ll-just-grab-that-over-there to pick-up-crutches-stand-up-balance-get-situated-with-crutches-crutch-over-to-item-and-wait-both-hands-are-full-of-the-crutches-now-what to Mom-help-please.

Breathe out.

What is life outside?

Am I healing right? When will life be normal again?

Breathe in.

Let go of expectations and modesty. Reshape yourself.

permanent and not poem


Breathe out.

I’ve reached the end of my definition of patience.

Breathe in.

6 thoughts on “pain addled thoughts”

  1. You got this! Good breathing exercises! Hoping in time that it will be better and you’ll be back up and running and enjoying the summer!

  2. Oh, how I wish I could take the pain away. Hang in there, Abs. Maybe say a few filthy words when your mom’s out of earshot. No, it doesn’t take the pain away, but somehow it always makes me feel a little better when I’m in sucky situation. Maybe it will work for you. :)

  3. Oh Abs…I am so sorry for your pain and wish I could do something to take it away. Hoping you are up and about quickly!

    1. Up and about would be nice but I need to plan on up and crutches for now. Anything else would be icing.

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