as soon as i hit pause on my writing life, everything else seemed to hit GO FAST NOW BUSY IMMEDIATELY CRAZY, but i survived and not so surprisingly learned something along the way:
seeing is believing.
i know, i know, the whole santa clause and easter bunny and tooth fairy things, but it’s a tough thing, these early stages of a writing career, when the stuff you’re producing isn’t fit for public consumption and so the only appropriate thing to put out there is this blog and the main people who are your audience are related to you and they assume you know they care. and i do know, but it never hurts to have things like that reiterated.
like the time i was at the dinner table in my parents’ house and my dad asked my mom if she’d somehow unsubscribed to my blog because he hadn’t gotten any emails regarding new posts lately. (thanks for reading, dad!) and then my mom and sister E laughed and said, well did you read the last one? (thanks for reading mom and sister E!)
or the time when i opened my mailbox to find a handwritten letter from sister E that was so full of encouragement, i almost got punched in the face by the pom poms. (thanks for the syrupy love, sister E!)
or when sister J basically chased baby mac down the hall because she was chanting “abby abby abby” and i hadn’t yet heard my name from her lips. if that’s not some great cheerleading, i don’t know what is. (thanks for the extra effort, J! and for making me one of your words, baby mac!)
or that afternoon when my friend L attempted to teach me how to play cribbage and i quickly realized that when one can barely add to 15 (especially under pressure), one better work harder at her writing because simple math is not what’s going to bring the paycheck home. (thanks for your patience, L! i’m gunning for you now, dad and grandpa. you may have kept all the mathematical genes for yourselves, but with practice, i too can add to 15 and 31. “that’s all there is and there is no more.”)
or when brother G sent me an email with “guess who put on his shoes” as the subject line and this as the body of the text:
which reminded me that no matter what age or what subject, we are all making mistakes, BUT it’s all in the name of learning. (thanks for the lesson, G (and newphew L), but more importantly, thanks for the laugh.)
or the occasion when my friend N, who never comments online, made a comment to me offline about how he still checked my blog throughout august just in case i posted something… (thanks for being such a consistent, if mute, reader. :)
or the time when all my loyal commenters wrote me words of encouragement, left me bits of advice, warned me not to keep my distance and basically left me a most needed trail of breadcrumbs. it made it much easier to find my way back to the interwebs. (thanks adriana, jeannie, karla, kelly, kristen, and linda for understanding!)
or the moment when my grandfather emailed me this poem and wished me a prosperous time in the land of pause. (thanks for reading and commenting and dispensing wisdom and thinking of me, grandpa!)
‘I learned her name was Proverb’ by Denise Levertov
And the secret names
of all we meet who lead us deeper
into our labyrinth
of valleys and mountains, twisting valleys
and steeper mountains-
their hidden names are always,
like Proverb, promises:
Rune, Omen, Fable, Parable,
those we meet for only
one crucial moment, gaze to gaze,
or for years know and don’t recognize
but of whom later a word
sings back to us
as if from high among leaves
still near but beyond sight
drawing us from tree to tree
towards the time and the unknown place
where we shall know
what it is to arrive.
i can’t say i’m 100% sure i’ve arrived or that i know what it entails, but i do know that in terms of blogging, I’M BACK AND I MISSED YOU ALL.