hide and seek

sometimes something SO BIG comes along the desire to hide overwhelms your sense of logic.

in this case, the something so big is NaNoWriMo (NAtional NOvel WRiting MOnth) in which a novel is defined as 50K and is started on november 1 and finished on/by november 30.

yup. i signed up to write a novel in a month.

i’m considering a costume so maybe it won’t recognize me.

bubba mac yoda is.
baby mac as minnie mouse sans traditional ears.
the WA mums channeling dr. seuss

i swear this wasn’t just an excuse to show off my beyond adorable nieces and nephews. though, really, aren’t they the cutest?!? i’m not biased at all. this is the truth.

but back to my point. i’m really scared of this task, of this herculean effort, of this novel, of all these expectations (mine + others’). i’ve already started this one once and wrote 20K before i realized i needed to restart it and that brings me to what i’m doing this november.

this is manuscript #3 for me, which means i should have learned something from manuscripts 1 and 2 and those things learned should be incorporated now, but, umm, i can’t find my notes, a pop quiz today?,  THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK, TEACHER.

wow. that’s already a lot more than i tell most people about my writing because i’m (a) too much of a perfectionist where i don’t want people to see the process, just the results, (b) superstitious, (c) private, (d) awkward, (e) uncomfortable talking about myself, (f) private, (g) see aforementioned items x100. i guess i’m hoping if i put this in writing, i’ll be held accountable.

i want to be accountable.

but i’m scared.

i think it’s time to take a cue from my dear (and ridiculously talented) friend adriana.

mrs. cloud at HER harvard book store reading

perhaps i should throw on something bright so (in her case) the people at the reading focus on that instead of her (so she said); or so (in my case) i focus on the outer (getting the words out) instead of the inner (editor)?

maybe i’m grasping at straws here. maybe that analogy sounded better in my head. maybe i’m procrastinating from working on that manuscript (if you look at the date, yes, i’m two days into NaNo) because the blog is safe and the MS is uncharted territory.

okay, okay. i’m leaving. but first, tell me how YOU go about facing your fears.

let’s all be in this together!

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10 thoughts on “hide and seek”

  1. Your nephews and nieces are all adorkable!! Look at those ears on Baba Mac!!!

    The thing to remember about NaNo is that it’s a time to make big huge giant messy messes. None of us know what we’re doing, even people who’ve written a dozen books before. But you should look at it as an excuse to make mistakes and ramble on and just play with words. It’s a license to be silly and lost and stubborn. The pressure to write 1,667 words a day is insane, but the pressure to write GOOD words and craft a perfect scene, etc., is nonexistent. You are supposed to just play and not worry about the quality! Fire your inner editor, etc. :)

    And lastly, you HAVE learned from ms. 1 and 2, even if those lessons are not apparent right now. So trust that, and go WRITE, writer!


    1. as an aunt, halloween is probably one of my favorite holidays because seeing the kids all dressed up warms my heart.

      as a “writer”, nano is a crazy time. there is so much support both online and off, but the important thing is to focus on the positive energy and the output of words, any words, all words, 1667 words. i need to remember to use this as a tool, not as a be all end all. at the end of the month, i’ll have a draft and i can go from there.

      also, sorry to make you use 146 words. i know how precious they are when you’re aiming for 1667 a day! :)

    1. one page? let’s set smaller goals, shall we? one WORD at a time. ;) and thanks for the vote of confidence.

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