i said,” well, it never hurts to ask or to buy a lottery ticket.” he said, “i’ve got one right here on my desk. if i win, i’ll buy you a condo.” i said, “pinky swear.”

what do you do what you’re so full of wishing and wanting and hopes and dreams and goals that you’re anchored to the floor? how do you transition from thinking to doing? i can feel the clock ticking, each vibration signaling another lost moment, another second where my inactivity wins and my passions remain on hold.

fear. it is the time of year for that.

i downsized my usual starbucks drink from a grande to a tall. a small but necessary change in my battle to make healthier choices. the fight wages because i’m unable to work out like i used to (dang foot) which means the only option left is a diet overhaul. i’m beginning to listen to my body and it’s telling me something i’m putting in it is wrong. it’s causing its own war and as the battlefield and the soldiers, i’m left feeling sick and tired. i’m exhausted. i need to do my best sherlock holmes impression to figure out what the culprit is.

like the trees outside, i’m ready to fling my leaves and bare my soul. be gentle with me.

7 thoughts on “heavy”

  1. i have to turn my brain off and just do things. throw myself off of cliffs. otherwise i get pinned down with all the weights of hope and maybe and not a chance.

      1. sometimes i can manage it. it’s like only looking at something out of the corner of your eye instead of direct on.

        but i can’t manage it when i need to go to sleep! ;)

  2. Hmmm. Maybe a food journal would help you if you think some kind of food is bothering you. That way you can look at what you ate on any given day related to how you are /were feeling.

    Love your last paragragh. I am here anytime you want to talk and I promise to be gentle so long as you will be in return :) xo

    1. yes, i’m back to using an app to track food choices/consumption. it’s helping. too bad it doesn’t give me more willpower though…all this halloween candy!

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