feelings

education

as my icicle fingers clutched my composition notebook and i strode across campus to class, i was struck with the thought, the ridiculous thought, that this seemed mundane to me. me, a student, at a big name university. granted it’s one class and it’s not for anything other than life enrichment and the fact i get a massive discount because i also happen to work at said big name university. but i know the campus enough to know to glance up right after i pass that brick building because that’s when i can see the digital clock at the top of the square. 7:22. i was early, but the winter temperatures seeped into my autumn coat and increased my pace.

finally inside, the warmth relaxed my cheeks into a smile which grew when i ran into a classmate. i was headed down the hallway opposite our classroom because i needed to power my rudolph red nose. she saw me, shook her head, and started to walk the same direction as me. “i can’t believe i was going the wrong way.” i slowed, put my hand on her arm, and spun her back around, “no, no, you were right. i’m not headed to the classroom yet.” and there i was, giving directions in the hallways of big name university. how normal. how utterly NOT normal.

after class, the girl to my left and I were chatting about the final project when a frown appeared on her face. my brow wrinkled in response. “i’m not going to be here the week we discuss your piece. it’s the one class i’m missing.” i tried to read between the lines of her expression. she’ll still be able to read it because it’ll be accessible by all in the class, so was she sad because she’ll miss the professor’s odd comments? because she wants to hear everyone tear my work apart? “well, if it’s any consolation, i won’t be here next week, your week.” we both chuckled at the fairness/unfairness of it. “i’ll make sure to write extra notes on your paper before i post it,” i said.

feelings

efficiency

the lingering stomach pains forced me to schedule a dr. appt. i was overdue for my annual physical anyways so i called to schedule two appointments. one now. one later. once there, my dr. was sans students and had more free time than usual which meant she combined my sick visit with my annual physical thus saving me a duplicate trip in december.

i waited in the very long line at the CVS pharmacy. i played candy crush. my phone buzzed in my hand. CVS was calling to tell me the prescription my dr. called in earlier today was ready.

work swirled around me as a project confronted me with its numbers, its scary haunting difficult confusing algebraic numbers. i couldn’t sit by the side of the pool any longer. i dove in. it always seems impossible until it’s done.

no stranger to loved ones with stomach pains, she checked in on me tonight. her texts rang with caring and truth. i had no news to report except for a detail that caught me off guard as i hadn’t shown up at the dr’s planning to get my yearly physical. she understood the detail immediately and fully. she empathized and sympathized and made me laugh despite the jiggly ugly truth. she then re-focused my thoughts onto the good, the positive, the sun.

feelings

action

the sidewalks were wet. the sky was wet. i was dry. mother nature is weird.

my homework this week was to write a piece that was all scene and no summary. it’s a good life assignment too. i live too much in my head, in my thoughts, in my emotions. i need less character development and more plot points.

and, ACTION.

feelings

pressure

just another sunday of FaceTime…

baby mac (to sister J): does abby have a boyfriend?

sister J: why don’t you ask her?

baby mac (to me): do you have a husband?

me: no.

baby mac: why not?

me (to baby mac): i haven’t met him yet.

me (to sister J): sheesh, i don’t even get this kind of pressure from mom!

 

feelings

friday

chip and cracks, when in china or a sidewalk, tell tales of use and family gatherings and parties, but when they’re in your bone? the tale takes a decidedly depressing air filled with pain and limping.

does the reveal of the truth make something more true or is it enough for you and only you to know it?

my search for a good umbrella continues feverishly as i’ve been stuck twice now in the middle of a rainstorm with an umbrella that looked more like a spider than a shield. PSA: don’t buy an umbrella from CVS. that “lifetime warranty”? not true. i bought an umbrella last week, opened it once, and then went to use it yesterday and two of the metal spokes were permanently bent. FOR NO REASON. as i walked to the square, the mere suggestion of a breeze caused the other spokes to crumple up. why isn’t there a compact umbrella that’s sturdy and portable and keeps you dry? why? why? why? why can europe create amazing, useful, solid umbrellas, but the US can’t?

do a google image search for mammatus clouds.