voices

a major component of writing is finding your voice, but i’ve recently discovered it’s also a major component of life. hearing it, listening to it, and trusting it are complicated tasks when the world and your family and friends are adding to the cacophony. trying to pick out what’s best for you is never simple, easy, or straightforward, especially when the advice offered is provocative or simpler.

i surround myself with people i respect and like and so it made sense to survey them for help. the suggestions came flooding in and i had to wade past the overwhelming choices, including what i had every legal right to do, because in the end, it was about me feeling safe and secure. after two weeks of holding on as all the emotions and choices and decisions and actions ran the gauntlet over me, i dried my eyes and made my choice.

apparently i’m impulsive when big decisions need to be made.

the debris finally settled and i stepped out into the land of clarity and into a chance conversation with a coworker which revealed she had just moved out of the building next door to where i’m moving to and which is owned by the same people as my new building. her immediate reaction was the opposite of what i wanted to hear, but other than a slight flush in the very hot conference room, i remained stable. i waiting for the eruption or avalanche or tsunami of emotion. nothing came. i knew i’d made the right decision for me at this time and she’d made the right decision for her at this time and i’m moving into a different environment and building than hers so maybe/probably i’ll have a different experience. plus, she has 30 moving boxes she needs to get rid of and i find myself in need of some. the conversation turned out better than it started.

maybe this is also called adulthood?