Category: feelings

feelings, writing

NO.

abby mumford

why is it that whenever you’re told you can’t do something, you want to do just that?

i finished the disaster draft of my second novel on november 10 and told myself that in order to gain the proper amount of distance, i wasn’t allowed to open the document for 2-4 weeks (okay, so bria’s actually the one who told me that, but i listened.)

the very next day, the characters flooded my brain saying PICK ME LISTEN TO ME FIX ME and i couldn’t think about anything else but how to make them richer and more believable and more awesome.

in order to compensate for this break from writing, i allowed myself the luxury of reading and yet, when given free rein, suddenly, it didn’t seem as interesting. when i didn’t have to sneak in my reading, it didn’t seem as decadent. there’s something about reading an extra chapter when other deadlines are looming that feels deliciously wrong. (see what a good kid i am? me doing something wrong = reading more.)

ahem.

and now that three weeks have passed and it’s time to return to my manuscript to flesh it out, i’ve discovered the characters are hiding and the plot is non-existent and the necessary edits feel like sliding down a razor blade banister into a barrel of grapefruit juice (i can’t take credit for this analogy. it’s all tawna and it’s all sorts of painful.)

working on my manuscript is the VERY THING i’ve been craving for the past three weeks, but now that i have permission to do so, it’s not enticing.

how do i trick myself into doing what i’m supposed to do?

basically, if you have any suggestions on the best way to do this…

… please enlighten me.

feelings

the change monster

abby mumford

sitting in the house which sits in the town which houses the high school i went to, i’m struck by all the things that have changed since i graduated. new faces (BFs, GFs, husbands, wives, babies), new cars, new clothes, new developments, new responsibilities, new money, new conversations, new roads, and new jobs have expanded and enriched my life and my relationships, and i can’t help but wonder in what ways am i different and in what ways am i still the same?

i’m still shy, but around those who know me best, there are often times when they can’t shut me up.

i’m still athletically inclined, but instead of two hours practices six days a week, i’m lucky to hit three miles three times a week.

i still love to read and i still sneak it in anytime any place.

i still adore children, but the more i learn about childbirth, the more freaked out i get. (holy cow, women are amazing and brave creatures.)

i still dream of being a writer, but now my daydreams are interspersed with the hard work needed to get there.

i have more responsibilities, more bills, more memories, more family members and more friends, but how much of my core self has changed? how much of it should have? i have different habits and different focuses, but i’m still bad at math, still bound to get hopelessly lost, and still fiercely loyal to those who work their way past my armor. two of the three of those would be nice to get better at, but if i put all my energy into learning my times tables (ha, kidding, i totally know 7 x 8 is 56), maybe it’d take away the spare moments i have to catch up with friends and family and is that really worth it?

can we ever completely change? is that really necessary? is it possible to fix your flaws while maintaining your essence of good? how do we decide what needs to change and what’s okay to remain the same? how do you know which is which? is it all trial and error?

will i ever like pineapples?

i obviously don’t have the answers, just the questions. if you’ve got some answers, go ahead and share. please and thank you.

feelings

the words that shaped me

abby mumford

i read this post a few weeks ago and it stuck with me because whatever your chosen profession or hobby, it’s interesting to step back and think about how you got started and what is was that motivated you to begin and how it all shaped you.

these are the books that set me on my current path.

HARRY POTTER series by j.k. rowling.  i found this series when i was in college right as the third book was about to be released and it made me thank my lucky stars that Sister E was so much younger because it gave me an excuse to read YA. but as i kept reading, i realized rowling had broken down the barriers and made it okay to write YA and admit you loved the YA genre. her attention to detail, her fully developed characters, her humor, and the magic. these books are a tour de force and she deserves every single penny she’s earned.

HUNGER GAMES by suzanne collins. i’m not talking about the series here, i’m just talking about the first book. this book made me forget i was reading and i never remembered turning the pages; i was just there side by side with katniss as she forged her way forward. she’s a tough, solid, resourceful character and not one prone to romance, in short, she’s refreshingly different from most of the other YA heroines. only suzanne collins could turn a premise as grisly as this into a book that’s beloved by all. this is one book i can (and have) confidently recommend(ed) to anyone.

IF I STAY by gayle forman. this book ripped my heart out and then stitched it back together and i never saw it coming. i’d heard about this book, but the original jacket didn’t catch my attention, so never gave it a second thought. i’d browsed through it at the bookstore before, but i always put it back. it wasn’t until about a year later (at the commanding of a librarian friend) that i finally picked it up. i didn’t put it down until i’d finished it + a box of tissues.

THE SKY IS EVERYWHERE by jandy nelson. this book is one of the most gorgeous things i’ve ever read. it’s sad and heartbreakingly funny and inappropriate and relatable and awesome. jandy takes normal, everyday language and makes it lush and evocative. this is exactly the kind of writing i want to do.

THE SCORPIO RACES by maggie stiefvater. this is the most recent addition to the list, but it’s a welcome one. this book drips with emotion — good, bad, and ugly — and is stunning in its starkness. at the end of the day, this book is hopeful, which is the best we can ask of ourselves and our lives.

what book or decision or moment set YOU on your way?

feelings

weekend of learning

abby mumford

a quintessential fall weekend:

*learning (in the form of a digital publishing seminar hosted by IPNE) — CHECK

*driving around NH to see the fall foliage — CHECK

*visiting a local farm — CHECK

lessons learned from said fall weekend:

(1) i can still manage to get lost even when i have a GPS, ALL the google maps at hand (thank you, adriana), and three different navigators. (i really wish my superhero powers were something more useful like flying or shooting fire out of my eyes.)

(2) we tried to combat my superhero powers by using different navigators. gina, front seat = we started chatting and forgot to pay attention to the signs. we had to pull a few U turns. adriana, back seat/front seat = she counted the number of blocks left until the turn. very efficient. justin, back seat = he told me the amount of time until the next turn. worked more often than not.

(3) there are sauces called MOTHER SAUCES. (no, there aren’t any daughter or son sauces. i asked.) these are the five basic (french) sauces from which every other (french) sauce is made. they are: tomato, bechamel, hollandaise, espagnole and veloute. (ok, i had to look up the last two.) (sorry, justin. i swear, i was paying attention. once i stopped giggling at the idea of mother sauces.)

(4) goats can climb up really thin ramps that lead up to a tree house. (it’s as weird to watch it happen as it is for you to read about it.)

(5) pumpkins! (i didn’t really learn anything about them, but it’s the only picture i took and look at the pretty.)

(6) cider donuts are scrumptious. (i know! and there’s no chocolate in them either.)

(7) landing in cambridge at the same time the red line goes off the rails AND the head of the charles races are done for the day AND all the cabs have gone missing is SHEER MADNESS, especially if you’re then trying to leave. (fights for cabs will ensue. justin will win.)

(8) william defoe in THE BOOKDOCK SAINTS is ridiculous. you all have to watch that movie just for him.

(9) having a plan is necessary, but when things don’t go according to it, laughing your way through it helps.

(10) taking the scenic route is worth the extra miles.

what did YOU learn this past weekend?

feelings

red faced and hot footed

abby mumford

after my lackadaisical post on tuesday, i figure i owe you one. a good one. how about an embarrassing story?

i’m walking to my car after my yearly physical (note: i’m a bit flustered after all that poking and prodding) when i notice a car idling nearby, so i jump in and pull mine out of the way. (we all know that excitement upon finding a parking spot + i hate keeping people waiting = me rushing.)  i continue driving down the one way road and turn left at the light, but in my slightly incoherent state, forget to make another, essential, left.

and just like that, i’m lost in kendall square.

i’m not really lost.

i recognize my surroundings, which is saying a lot for this geographically challenged gal, but i can’t quite figure out the minor detail of which direction to go. at one point i consider rolling down the window and calling out my friend L’s name. she works nearby. she could rescue me. alas, the saving of the damsel in distress fell to the damsel in distress.

i catch sight of the Pru and phew! i know what to do. i want to be going away from it, not towards. i quickly fix that mistake and am patiently waiting to turn left at the next light. it turns green. no left arrow pops up, but yet no one is moving on the other side, so i go. and then so do the other cars. AHHHHHHHHH TURN NOW TURN NOW TURN NOW QUICKLY TURN NOW TURN TURN TURN TURN is a small sample of my thought process and then i’m turning and OMG OMG OMG IS THIS A, OH YES IT IS, HELP! ME! I CAN’T STOP! STUPID PHYSICS AND INERTIA AND AHHHHHH, I’M IN MOTION AND I CAN’T STOP AND CARS CARS CARS AHHH!

(allow me to translate my hysterics: the place where i turn? it’s a double lane, i.e. i just turned INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC.) (consider me a lot flustered.)

i may be a woman. i may have blonde hair. i may not drive all that much in the city BUT I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. i am half laughing and half hyperventilating and fully unwilling to make eye contact with the guy who’s sitting in the car i turn next to. i can only imagine the expression on my face as i consider continuing down the road to a place i can turn around OR driving over the median in the road OR wait, i could just turn around right here right now. there are three things that support this decision. (1) they have a red light,  (2) there is no one in the second lane, so voila, room to turn around, (3) common sense.

i execute the perfect three point turn (the return of my good driving skills, phew!) and when a break in traffic comes, i drive  to the correct side of the road and just like that, i’m at work in less than 10 minutes.

admittedly though, still shaking.

i told you mine, now you tell me yours.