writing

sacrifices

i was going about things all wrong.

first, i had twitter open. second, i had been listening to THE SCORPIO RACES by maggie stiefvater. third, i also had the book open on my desk as i perused it trying to turn it into a textbook because i can’t stop thinking about it and i’m basically in love with it and all that it does.

you might say i’m slightly obsessed.

this wasn’t the problem.

the problem was that by studying/reading/looking at another book, my focus had shifted away from my own work. even though i had the best of intentions when opening THE SCORPIO RACES (i.e. wanting to learn), it’s way too easy to compare my writing to the masterfulness of that novel and clearly, that’s not fair.

and then the downward spiral of self-doubt began, which is NOT the brain space you want to be in when revising your work.

but before i closed THE SCORPIO RACES, i, of course, turned to twitter to voice my opinion BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK.

with the mystery of publishing revealed, i closed THE SCORPIO RACES and twitter. i read sean ferrell’s “pathetic email” post for the tenth time because it’s uplifting and spot on and exactly the right motivation i needed to dive back into my edits because it’s time to whip this WIP into shape.

now if only my neighbor had a cat…

writing

FWIS: growing your story

remember this post? remember these two ladies? jessica corra and bria quinlan? good, because it’s time for another round.

today’s topic: growing your story.

in keeping with the theme from last month, i happen to be at the beginning of this stage as well. i finished my disaster draft on november 10 and then i didn’t look at it again until december 1, three weeks later. i was attempting to get some space from the story and the characters before i dove in to do the revisions.

oh, but first, a little tidbit about me. i am an under writer. no, not this kind but rather, someone who (on the first draft) writes less rather than more. my first draft clocked in at 44K and a typical YA novel runs anywhere from 60K-80K words, so you can see i have a lot of growing to do.

the things i’ve done to grow (other than drink lots of milk and eat vegetables) are character interviews, chapter mapping and world building. also, taking notes and making suggestions and fixing dialogue and printing out my story and handwriting revisions and moving scenes around and deleting portions and adding phrases and puffing up passages and phew!

growing is hard.

but audiences are perceptive and precocious and practically perfect and so i don’t want to disappoint any of them even if, at this juncture, they’re only imaginary.

so, onward and forward and backward and sideways and every which way the story demands because i want smooth transitions and moments that make you weep and uncontainable giggles and characters so real, you have to pat the couch to make sure they’re not sitting next to you.

make sure to check out bria’s and jessica’s posts to see what types of growing they’re doing.

feelings, writing

NO.

why is it that whenever you’re told you can’t do something, you want to do just that?

i finished the disaster draft of my second novel on november 10 and told myself that in order to gain the proper amount of distance, i wasn’t allowed to open the document for 2-4 weeks (okay, so bria’s actually the one who told me that, but i listened.)

the very next day, the characters flooded my brain saying PICK ME LISTEN TO ME FIX ME and i couldn’t think about anything else but how to make them richer and more believable and more awesome.

in order to compensate for this break from writing, i allowed myself the luxury of reading and yet, when given free rein, suddenly, it didn’t seem as interesting. when i didn’t have to sneak in my reading, it didn’t seem as decadent. there’s something about reading an extra chapter when other deadlines are looming that feels deliciously wrong. (see what a good kid i am? me doing something wrong = reading more.)

ahem.

and now that three weeks have passed and it’s time to return to my manuscript to flesh it out, i’ve discovered the characters are hiding and the plot is non-existent and the necessary edits feel like sliding down a razor blade banister into a barrel of grapefruit juice (i can’t take credit for this analogy. it’s all tawna and it’s all sorts of painful.)

working on my manuscript is the VERY THING i’ve been craving for the past three weeks, but now that i have permission to do so, it’s not enticing.

how do i trick myself into doing what i’m supposed to do?

basically, if you have any suggestions on the best way to do this…

… please enlighten me.

writing

writing in the kitchen

i’ve always heard that in order to be a complete athlete, you need to cross-train: ballet will help the football players’ footwork, yoga will improve the lacrosse players’ flexibility, swimming will increase the runners’ lung capacity, and so on and so forth and yet armed with that knowledge, i was surprised to find spending time in the kitchen benefited my writing skills.

let me clarify i was NOT the one cooking. adriana was and then my friend L’s hubby was which is why (a) the food tasted so good and (b) i was able to spectate and speculate.

watching adriana chop and saute and measure and stir and season a vast variety of raw ingredients which then turned into one of the most delicious stews i’ve ever eaten was a lesson in word play. as a writer, it’s my job to mix and whip and shape and pound and sift the words to combine them into the best image you’ve never thought of.

watching my friend L’s hubby present us with a chicken cacciatore dish served over polenta was a lesson in trial and error. that entree is usually served with pasta, but the thin sauce doesn’t work so well with the pasta he’d found out. he decided to try to pouring it over polenta, and what a good decision that was! the flavors and textures melded together and formed a plate of awesome. as a writer, i may think description is best right there when in fact, it’s a bit thin and if i was to use dialogue instead, the characters would mingle and clash and play off each other turning the scene into a page of awesome. it’s important to keep trying new scenes and perspectives and words because just like my taste buds, my brain will know when it’s a page of awesome.

now if only i could flip this lesson on its head and use my time in front of word document to turn myself into a master chef.

writing

FWIS: the beginning

there are these two ladies:

jessica corra

bria quinlan

and they are awesome. we all connected on twitter, but since then, i’ve met bria in real life because we’re both in the great state of massachusetts. we’re working on getting jessica up here for a visit, but until that time, we’ve settled into a nice little routine of google chatting, emails and of course, twitter-ing.

we’re all writers, but we’re each in a very different stage of the publishing process (jessica’s book AFTER YOU comes out from Dial Books For Young Readers (an imprint of Penguin) in spring 2013, bria is agented, and i’m at the bottom of the curve), so it got us thinking — what does the world look like from from where we each stand?

and thus, a monthly column was born. we each write about a topic from our unique perspectives.

today’s topic: how we got to where we stand today.

*waves* i am at the beginning. *waves more*

despite having my MFA in creative writing and having one finished MS under my belt (and locked securely in a drawer where no one will ever read it again), i didn’t truly get serious about obtaining the holy grail of getting published until recently. for the first time in my life, i had trouble sticking to deadlines because i was the only one who knew about them. there was no accountability. no one to push me. no one to read my work.

i had to press pause while i evaluated this goal i’d always dreamed of.

i have such amazing memories of reading throughout my childhood that i’ve always wanted to return the favor. i wanted to pass along that reading experience to generations younger than me, but was i cut out for it? did i have a story to tell? characters to breathe life into? did i have the right motivation? did my words work?

after a month long pause, i decided that YES, i did want this, but i was going to have to start from scratch. first came alexis and her critiquing skills. then came bria and her disaster drafting. and deadlines. and accountability. then came the epiphany. and another one. and here i am, today.

at the starting line.

my main goal is to finish the manuscript i’m working on now. that’s it. to start and end a manuscript. to know i can. i officially started work on this manuscript in september 2010, but really, truly began in earnest in september of this year. i’ve got 35K words and lots of good habits and my next (more specific) goal is to finish this by the end of november. then i’ll let it marinate before i go back to flesh it out and revise and edit and revise and revise and revise.

depending upon what shape it’s in then, i may turn to the next step — looking for an agent — or, most likely, this manuscript will end up next to my other one locked away in a drawer. i believe this MS is here for practice. like all things in life, in order to get good-er, you have to practice. and the only way to practice writing is to write.

i plan on doing just that.

so as i stand here the beginning, i’m filled with excitement (at the possibility of reaching my goal) and a touch of frustration (at how difficult, how far, how tough that goal is), but ultimately, this is a hopeful place to be in because the only direction from here, the bottom, is UP.