sometimes hitting “call” is the hardest button because the vulnerability needed was choking me. i hit the button with shaking fingers and was met with kindness.

“talk to yourself like you would a friend. you wouldn’t tell your friend to eat junk or stay up at all hours or keep doing the thing(s) that are stressing them out.”

“just because you disappoint someone doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. sometimes it’s on them.”

“it’s a response. tell your body you’re in control. it’s okay to feel, but remind yourself the overdose of feelings isn’t necessary or permanent.”

“this is a good step, but there are phases. you need to find your new normal and if you find you need to go back, that is more than okay. you’re okay.”

the advice she gave me was heartfelt, hard won, and honest, but it was more about the way she prioritized me in between her hectic hours as a mom, a wife, and a woman. it’s not often i reach out, so i was fortunate she grabbed hold because the dose of love she prescribed was filled and taken over the course of one phone call.


dating advice

this just in from a coworker:

“[Retired Coworker] and I were talking about books we’re reading and he said in book 2 of Karl Ove Knausgaard’s My Struggle there’s this scene where Knausgaard is talking on his phone on a train and the train lurches forward and the phone flies out of his hand and into the purse of the woman across from him. It turns out the woman, and the man she is with, is an Israeli spy, so they think he’s dropped his phone in her bag on purpose to spy on them. So [Retired Coworker] said, “That’d be a pretty good way to meet someone.”

Just saying, if you don’t like your current options for boyfriend shopping, this could be a new one.

*cautiously adds to list of things to try*


grumble grumble grumble

that moment when your landlord calls to say he’s at your apartment and has “tried everything” but can’t find the leak under the kitchen sink and when you explain exactly what you’ve witnessed (left side, the horizontal diamond shaped knob) and he goes “oh the hot water.” how is only running the cold water “trying everything”?

that moment when you’ve offered on four condos and have been beat out on all four by cash offers or offers that waive all contingencies and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to afford a place to call your own where you deal with the leaks under the kitchen sink on your own.

that moment you count the days and figure out it’s been 35 days of your car in the shop having been listed at totaled, not totaled, again and again, and you wonder when the madness will stop?

that moment you work up a sweat pulling on freshly laundered jeans just to remember your local gym is closed for the (extended university) holiday and you work up a sweat pulling on freshly laundered jeans.

that moment where tuesday is wearing its monday costume.



G gave me this for my birthday:

apple 1

she originally painted it for an art collaboration (where she created the art and AC wrote the words), but when i inquired as to its location, she mumbled something about it being in her apartment. i asked what i had to do in order to make it my own. she named the terms. i complied. and on my birthday, i unwrapped it and cradled it and fell in love with it. it’s even more stunning in person that it is online (and that’s saying something.)

if artwork by friends is a currency, i am RICH.



mexicans LOVE the rain because it’s different than the sun they see every day. americans with only two full days in the tropics? not so much.

only i would carry sunscreen in my purse in the middle of a rainstorm just in case.

“i’m either asleep or awake.” if only i lived and slept with the same conviction as R.

we met up with three of R’s coworkers for a drink. i’d met all of them at least once, if not twice, but only had had snippets of conversations with each. each one hugged me hello. there’s just something about seeing a semi-familiar face in a foreign land that it lends itself to hugging.

R and i left the resort every day and mingled with the locals. thanks to R’s effervescent smile strangers became friends, catcalls became compliments, and Holas! became invitations to explore.

almost every non-local we encountered was on their umpteenth visit to cabo and generously shared information on where to eat, what to see, etc. it’s a blurry line between local and tourist and visitor. well, except the part where the natives speak spanish.

12 hours of flights, 2 hours of delays, 3 hours early to the airport, 12-14 pesos to the dollar depending upon the day, 2 for 1 drinks during happy hour, $0 and 0 pesos for ladies for drinks on tuesday night.

R still delights in my discomfort when she gets the waiter to bring a cake, a candle, and a barrage of backup singers (with maracas!).

the trajectory of your life can change due to the arrival of one person.