big things are afoot and i, GASP, have twitter to thank.
kelly’s done such a fine job of explaining it, i’ll let her have the stage. click HERE.
Author: abby mumford
confused at the car wash
because the present has been given, i can now share the story of how i bought roommate’s birthday gift.
there’s the saying “it’s just like riding a bike” and if you’re me, that means you end up embarrassed or slightly injured or confusing the guys at the car wash. let me explain. oh, but first, some background. (i’ll make it quick.) i’ve changed my breakfast eating habits and as a result, i’m MUCH slower in the mornings. i’ve had to get over my (somewhat unfounded) fears and ride my bike to work. because when i ride, it takes a whopping 10 minutes to get to work vs. the 30 minutes it takes me to walk. and let me tell you, other than horrible helmet hair, i am loving this mode of transportation. especially since i’ve been working late. do you know how nice it is to be home in 10 minutes instead of 30? cause then i’m that much closer to my comfy clothes. and all i want after a long day at work is to be comfy.
i digress.
so on wednesday, i decide to forgo the gym and ride my bike around town as i check some errands off my to do list. i told myself i’d keep my bike in a higher gear, thus forcing my legs to work harder because this was my only exercise for the day. one of my stops was at the car wash to buy a gift card for my roomie’s birthday. she is kind to her car. she likes to treat it right. me and my bike can respect that.
i pull up to the opening of the car wash and hop off my bike. there’s one car in the garage, one lined up behind it. there’s no employee that i can see. there’s nowhere to lock up my bike, so i stand and wait. i mean, there are two cars there, a guy has to come help soon. plus, i hate it when i don’t know what to do. i get shy. so i wait. and i watch. and i hope the answer will come to me. i’m a patient person.
the driver of the second car gets out and runs inside, speaks to a guy and then returns to his car and leaves.
hmmmmm.
i poke my head into the doorway because (a) i feel really weird WALKING into a car wash. (b) i want to signal to the guy that i’m there waiting. (c) i want to make sure they’re still open because why did that car just leave? (d) i don’t want to leave my bike because, as i said, there’s nowhere to lock it up and i’m paranoid that someone will steal my beauty of a bicycle. i spot a man and yell “are you still open? do you sell gift cards?” and the guy gives me a confused look and holds up one finger. no not THAT finger, the one that signals he needs one more minute. i continue to wait patiently. cause that’s how i roll.
he goes over to the car that’s also waiting patiently and does that pre-wash thing where he washes the car before it heads onto the automatic belt that’ll roll the car through the big wash. (that always struck me as odd. it’s sort of like washing the dishes before running the dishwasher.) with that car taken care of, he turns to me. i repeat my question about them having gift cards and he says “yes, autos.” i nod. he studies me and then says, “cars.” i realize i’m still wearing my bike helmet and have blonde hair and what? does he think i want to ride through the car wash? i laugh and say, “yes, cars. not my bike.” he smiles and we complete the transaction. (note to self, they only have one type of card. and it includes 5 washes. so don’t ask for anything more or less.)
happy with that mission accomplished, i return to my bike and ride off into the sunset. that was thwarted because, well, this is real life, and people like me don’t ride off into the sunset. not when you forgot to down shift the gears and you’re attempting to start your bike on 2.7; it’s like pedaling through peanut butter. and not when you’re biking down somerville ave which has all these new speed bumps. for the .5 miles i was on that road, i had to go over, no joke, 17 of them. they are those long, sloping up/down, flat top in the middle bumps that aren’t fun in a car and really aren’t nice to ride over on a bike. i had to perch atop my bike over each one. i was having flashbacks to horseback riding lessons where you raise in the stirrups as the horse goes over the jump. except my bike’s not nearly as handsome as a horse. (sorry bike, you’re not.)
no one ever said gift giving was easy.
words for thought
i’m blatantly stealing this post from elisabeth black. but i can’t stop thinking about it and wanted to share it with you, dear readers:
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Six impossible things.
Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
-Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
I’m with the White Queen on this one. Have you believed any impossible things lately?
if you can believe it, you can do it. and if you can do it, it’s no longer impossible. ready? set? GO.
excuses, or introducing linda grimes
most days, we don’t need a reason to skip out of work. but there are times when the drive to get things done overshadows our logical sense of laziness. and that is distressing indeed. if that happens, you know who you should call? linda grimes. not only will she make you laugh, but she’ll find a way to get you out of doing that horrid thing you were just about to do.
she’ll always come to the rescue. seriously, click on that. and then read the comments. you won’t regret it.
she can get you out of work, out of taking care of your kids, out of eating a healthy breakfast, out of cleaning your house, and out of any other pickle you might find yourself in. i think i want to make her pocket sized and carry her around all day long. chirping in my ear. forcing my productivity levels to zero.
think of how calm and relaxed i’d be! i wouldn’t worry that the dust bunnies from the bedroom have connected with the ones from the living room and are about to stage a mutiny. i wouldn’t spend one minute fussing over the lost roll of quarters because i don’t have to do any laundry. i wouldn’t be scared to have one extra drink because there are health benefits to having one drink a day and you only have the count the current drink in your hand. which is one. which means i’m health conscious!
and look, here she is in LIVE ACTION. (it’s just like we’re at the movies! is that popcorn i smell?) oh, but first, the background story. we (read: Twitterati) took a vote to declare wednesday #earlyfriday. enough people voted “aye” which means i don’t have to go to work on thursday because it’s technically saturday. but just in case, linda wrote me a “get out of work” note.
@linda_grimes: @abbymumford Dear Boss Person: Due to a localized glitch in the space/time continuum, Wed. is now Fri. Therefore, [insert name] will not be at work tomorrow, as it will be “Saturday.” Sincerely, Linda, Goddess of Excuses.
and since she was on a roll, @muftopmommy asked for a note of her own. and, of course, linda delivered.
@linda_grimes: @muftopmommy Dear Muftop-kiddos: If you don’t let Mommy take a nap, she will flip out and break ALL your toys. Sncrly, the Excuse Goddess
isn’t she grand? don’t you want to pinch her cheeks and give her a lollipop?
do YOU need any excuses cooked up? i’ll try to channel my inner linda grimes and help you out.
p.s. recently, people have been asking me more and more about my love of twitter. it’s this silly side that i love. and it’s not a waste of time, boss man, no indeed. i’m learning here. learning how to do less work in more time, sure, but what good is an employee who stops learning?
did i run away and join the circus without my consent?
these past few months, but specially these last two weeks, have been an extreme test of my ability to handle stress. to keep my head from popping off. to maintain a professional demeanor and not glare at anyone and everyone who emails, calls, walks into my office. to get it all done and explain to the next person how it works while wearing a smile on my face. to balance on the thin wire of work and life outside the office.
being at work lately has felt like i’m the ringmaster, the lion tamer, the girl riding bareback and doing back flips through hoops while still landing on the back of the horse, the tight rope walker, the elephant trainer, the driver of the clown car, the 57th clown that gets out of the car, the juggler who’s just switched from bowling pins to fiery batons, the person hawking popcorn and cotton candy and those blinking light souvenirs, the parent watching over their child, AND the person who has to clean up and pack up the big top tent.
which leaves me with ZERO energy for anything outside of work. and putting in no effort with your life and hobbies and friends and health and family? that leaves me with a very flat existence. much like the big top tent after the support poles and bleachers and equipment and people and animals and air has been pulled out.
i’ve learned that me + stress = one big grumpypuss. i know this, but now i REALLY know this. it’s lodged at the forefront of my brain. (it’s probably making my forehead look a little lumpy.) but i don’t know how to stop. i want to do a good, complete job. there is a reason (i can’t think of it at the moment) that my boss chose to give me oh so very much work and i don’t want to disappoint him. but what about when i disappoint my family and friends? it’s a little like this, i suppose. where work is the “new friend” and everything else is the “old friend”. i need to make sure i pick up my undies for both my old and new friends. they deserve to be treated equally. but how do you do that when one demands so much more attention?
when do you draw the line? when you reach your breaking point? right before you crack? right after your head’s exploded? when your TO DO list reaches 100 items? when you arrive at work early, don’t take lunch, and still have to stay late? when your roommate wonders why she hasn’t seen you all week? when your friends are shocked by the lack of emails from you? when your family wonders why you don’t call? when you seriously consider early retirement? when you don’t smile a true smile all day? when you can’t remember the last time you heard good news? when your stress levels rocket because you have no outlet (working out, hanging out, writing) of release?
where do you put it? and how do you draw it? a stick in the sand? masking tape down the middle of the room? with a closed door? with tears down your cheeks? with hershey’s kisses?
what do you do when you give too much to one thing and not enough to another?
and so, to all those (online and off, in real life and digital life, in my manuscript) who have been neglected by the recent rush of work i’ve been doing, these are for you. they’re forget me not’s.
please accept them with my sincerest apologies for disappearing. and please, FORGET ME NOT while i’m gone.
Abigail Mumford 