Tag: help!

feelings

case of the worms*

abby mumford

this past weekend, i saw one of my best friends get married. ALL of my high school peeps were there and then they stayed and played in boston with me. it was a weekend of grandeur and booze and laughs and love and silly immaturity.

so why am i melancholy today?

because i lost my scarf.

my long, cozy, WARM purple scarf. it got left behind at the hotel and the hotel says they haven’t found it yet. in case you’ve been under a rock, it is november. i live in massachusetts where the winters are mean. i need that scarf now more than i want it.

scarves aren’t expensive and (again) it being november, they are abundant in stores right now. i can replace it quite easily, but it won’t be the same. it won’t be the same rich hue. it won’t be as soft and warm. it won’t be the original. but if i really think about it, it’s just some yarn strung up in a fancy shape. why is this loss bothering me so much?

maybe because a replacement won’t carry the same memory of shopping with my mom and sister E. maybe it has something to do with the fact that this situation could have been avoided if i’d done one last check around the room. maybe it has something to do with how scatterbrained i’ve been feeling. it’s been a long, stressful summer which has morphed into a fast paced, stressful fall and the winter shows no signs of stopping. i’m multitasking while multitasking and we all know that dividing your attention and then subtracting it by half doesn’t do anyone any favors. and this time, my scarf was the casualty. RIP purple scarf from H&M.

speaking of losing things, i recently lost a raging battle — against myself. (i didn’t even need to go to linda grimes for an excuse.) i managed to come up with approximately 2,098,374 other things i could be doing rather than writing.

even if the things i did other than writing were productive in terms of real life, i needed to make writing my priority. and i didn’t. i don’t know if it’s because the scenes i need to fix are challenging and i’m scared. i don’t know if it’s because i’m just tired from having house guests over all weekend. i don’t know if it’s the lack of a real deadline. i don’t know if it’s the weight of expectations on my shoulders. i don’t know if it’s because my laptop is a piece and it’s annoying to use. i don’t know if i’m having trouble editing on a screen instead of with a pen and paper. i don’t know if i’m just lazy. i don’t know if i need a break. i don’t know what it is.

and i don’t know how to re-motivate myself.

i’m energized by my WIP, but i can’t bring myself to stop reading books and start writing.

what do YOU do when you are blocked? (in writing, in driving, in reading, in cooking, in designing, in cleaning, in riding, in running, in studying, in creating, in life?)

what do you do when you’ve lost something that you know can’t be recovered? should i just learn to knit?

*the title of this blog makes a lot more sense if you read this.

feelings

teammates

abby mumford

i had some mind blowing experiences this week. and now that i’ve scraped the brains off the walls, i’m here to tell the tale.

experience #1. i had dinner with a grad school friend. her husband calls these dinners our “secret meetings” which makes us feel all kinds of sneaky and spy like, but in all reality, we’re just eating, drinking, giggling, gossiping, and talking writing. i don’t have many writerly friends that i can see IN PERSON on a regular basis and there’s something to be said about sharing a beer while lamenting the lack of character voices in our heads. (and that’s why we’re NOT spies. sometimes, we hear voices. it gets distracting when you’re trying to do recon.)

but the really amazing thing was that she handed over my MS. the one i’ve been working on since before, through, and after grad school. my first love. and also the one i was taking a break from. she’d had it since july, but to be fair, was going through some crazy times and life got in the way. i get it. my writing is not a priority of hers, but in this time when i still haven’t figured out the whole “how to get critique partners” thing, she’s all i’ve got. and it may have taken 4 months, but man, did she deliver. and we talked about my manuscript in-depth 3 different times over the course of the meal! i even got my pen out and started taking notes. i can’t tell you how refreshing that felt. she laid out the weakness and pumped up the strong points and suggested some ideas that got my brain aswirling. i left dinner on a writerly high i haven’t felt since grad school ended. and i left excited about my first love MS all over again. i felt like a real writer (for probably the third time in my life). i left there with attainable goals of what to fix and how to fix it. that was the most delicious part.

experience #2. i played squash again. of course i lost every single match, but my serve is consistently in and i am hitting some hot shots and most importantly, i am getting on the scoreboard. sure, i keep forgetting the ball doesn’t bounce and so i wind up in a tennis motion only to swing and hit air. (yeah, it’s as embarrassing as it sounds). but for only having played the game twice, for a total of 2 hours, my improvement is pretty rapid, i must say. so much so that i’m thinking about getting my own gear. (Santa, you listening?) this game is addicting. it’s refreshing. it’s exhilarating. it’s FAST. and it gives me an attainable goal. beat my coworker. that is the most delicious part.

but the thing i learned that splattered my brains across the walls?

i realized that i can’t do this alone.

you can’t play squash by yourself and you can’t write all by yourself. sure, i’m in charge of my own production (whether it’s returning a shot or writing a novel), but you need a teammate there to return the volley or spin you around and point you down the path towards THE END.

i’ve had teammates all my life, in the form of soccer and lacrosse and basketball and tennis teams and siblings and friends and cousins. why is it so shocking that i still need them?

probably because i’m a perfectionist and when i set my mind to do something, i know (read: i think) that the best way to get it done is to do it my way. but that isn’t always right and frankly, it gets lonely. i’m tired of that. i’m ready to accept any and all forms of help. whether it’s in the shape of a squash racket, manuscript critiques, or a RAH RAH YOU CAN DO IT from the sidelines.

phew.

epiphanies are exhausting.

(or maybe it’s just all that running around the squash court.)

general

pantser or plotter

abby mumford

in a black and white world, there are two kinds of writers: pantsers and plotters. a plotter is one who prepares plots and characters and scenes and outlines before sitting down to write a new manuscript. a pantser is one who writes by the seat of her pants, diving into the story with nary a thought to who, what, when, where, or why.

in a gray world, most writers fall somewhere in between doing a little bit of plotting before beginning and then jumping in with both feet (err, both hands on the keyboard) to see where the characters lead them. some will write a little, stop, assess, outline and write some more.

there is no right way to write, but rather a personal preference. i used to be a plotter, but after spending many years on the same manuscript, i realized i need some distance. in order to get said room, i’ve started working on something new and with that something new, i decided to write in a new way — pantser’s style.

i’m finding it quite difficult, actually. i’m getting so bogged down with the enormity of the lack of direction i have laid out for this story that i’m going way too in depth with scenes because it’s easier to move laterally instead of forward. i find it’s simpler to layer unnecessary detail after irrelevant detail than take a step in the wrong direction.

but is there really such a thing as the wrong direction?

writers, what do you do in this situation? is there a right way? a wrong way? perhaps should i stop trying to increase the word count and make a quick outline? or should i push forward and let my pants lead me? even if my pants have me doing a thriller style dance while a country twang song is on?

non-writers, what do you think you would do in this situation? perhaps your total objectivity will be of a benefit for me. or perhaps there is a mathematical formula that can solve this problem. what if i ran the quadratic formula of “the end” and then took the square root of that? will that place me somewhere in the middle of my story?

everyone, help!

sports

squash this

abby mumford

if you put the word SQUASH into a google image search, you come up with pictures like these.

they’re all squash-ed in.

that’s exactly what i look like (except for the whole, “i’m a girl and he’s not” thing). what i mean to say is that i project the same badassery that he does. obviously.

so the real point here is why was i searching the word squash and why did i just subject you to those pictures? well, it’s relevant this time of year because it’s autumn and farmers are harvesting their fruits and vegetables AND i’m learning how to play squash. i had my first match on wednesday, during lunch.

why am i learning how to play squash? it’s part of this whole life upgrade thing. and the whole, i’m trying to get in tip top shape for the big 3-0 in january. the gym is boring. this spices things up a bit. especially when you consider the fact that i’ve never played before and i’m entering into a highly competitive trio of dudes. i’m a highly competitive chick, so this isn’t intimidating as much as frustrating. i don’t like to lose. but i’m starting at the bottom and playing against guys who’ve been playing for years, if not decades. let’s hope i’m good with a steep learning curve.

the trick to squash (aside from learning how to use your wrist. tee hee.) is watching your opponent and knowing his/her weaknesses. yes, this is how most games are played, but this is a fast game (true story) and by the time you’ve figured out your opponent’s weaknesses, you’re already down 2 games to none. (maybe that’s just me. it was my first time, cut me some slack.) i think this whole “observe and conquer” will suit me well as i embark into my 30s.

*cackles evilly* yeah, i’ll let you figure that one out yourself.

AND hey, i just realized, i’ve already had a brief and lovely encounter with squash. with joan bauer’s squash to be precise. if you haven’t read her work, you really should. she’s a master at humor. and creating awesomely strong female leads.

and p.s. i realize there are a lot of links in this post, so to keep things interesting, ONE of them (no, i’m not telling which) leads to a special surprise. happy clicking!

(TWSS)