Tag: silly

travel

flight [home] of the conchords

abby mumford

today’s the 14th and before we go any further at all, i want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DR. carrie.

with that on the table, can you guess where in the world i am? anyone? bueller? bueller?

you probably guessed italy. and you’d be WRONG because by the time you’re reading this, it’s approximately, oh i don’t know, afternoon time in europe which means i am currently winging my way back to the US with a quick stop over in frankfurt. and by quick stop, i mean a 2 hour layover. that should give me enough time to see all the germanic sights. or well, give me plenty of time to work my way through the terminal to the plane that will deliver me back to boston.

speaking of flights, here’s a little treat to distract you from how much you miss me.

classy, no? (side note to TB, thank you for introducing that to me).

speaking of thank you’s, the reason you’re even able to read this is because i am now privy to the “scheduling” capabilities of wordpress. and how do i know about it? that’d be because of patty blount (she of twitter and book hungry fame). all together now, kids, THANKS, PATTY.

and all of this means that i can wish one of my besties a happy birthday, since i can’t do that from italy or germany or an airplane. also, i wished her a happy day now because there’s a large chance that when i touch down in boston, i’ll be so delirious, i won’t know what day it is, what time it is, or who i am, much less that i’m supposed to be wishing people happy birthdays and many mores.

did somone say s’more?

yum. go get one! and save some for me.

travel

will the real slim shady please stand up?

abby mumford

by the time you’re reading this post, it will have been written by past abby. present abby is in italy and unable to access this thing called her blog, but she didn’t want her dear readers to go without a post because, well, she’s (hopefully) off having fun gallivanting around italy and falling in love with vino and eating her weight in gelato and topping that off with another bowl of pasta and taking pictures of all that’s european and supervising a rather large work project and most definitely not getting lost, AND SO, she couldn’t be the one having all the fun. her readers need some too. welcome to the fun.

so that’s past abby and present abby, but what about future abby? what’s she up to?

well, if you ask 4 year old abby, she’d just ask where her blanket is. she doesn’t care (yet) about future abby. just the whereabouts of her blankie. and future abby (who is, let’s say 7) would pull the blanket out from in between the tangled sheets.

if you ask 13 year old abby, future abby (who is, let’s say, 17) gets her license on the very first try. the first of the mumford kids to accomplish that. HOORAH. but also, she’s the first that had to wait until she was 17 to be able to drive. dumb NJ laws.

if you ask 17 year old abby, future abby, (who is, let’s say 18) goes off to JMU for undergrad and despite balling her eyes out and feeling very scared for college to start, finds that the southern charm of virginia suits her and finds herself balling (again) when it’s time to come home for the summer. ah, the tears of youth.

and 19 year old abby would say to 18 year old abby, talk to your science professor when you’re having trouble! in a freshman science class that’s got a couple hundred kids, the prof can’t know the difference between you trying hard, but still having trouble vs. you deciding the kegger in apartment 205 is more important than science homework, so if you talk to him, he’ll then know it’s that your brain is having trouble rather than just deciding to take the afternoon off. so, go talk to him!

and 19 year old abby discovered the art of persuasion when she decided she wanted to study abroad in london for a semester, but she’d only do so if she had a familiar face with her. and thus began her campaign to convince R to come with her. note: abby FTW. and come on, it’s not like me convincing R to study abroad was a bad idea. living in london is never a bad idea. (“this sounds familiar!” says 29 year old abby, who wonders when her persuasion skills got so rusty, which is why she’s now alone in italy.)

21 year old abby waves happily from the other side of the pond. CHEERS!

and 21.4 year old abby goes on spring break to italy (venice, rome, florence) and 29 year old abby looks down the coast hoping to see the ghost of her former self (along with R and J). 29 year old abby thinks that would be AWESOME if she could see the ghost of her former self, like the time trials in Mario Kart where you can race against your best time which takes the form of a ghostly Toad. (yes, Toad was my character of choice).

if you ask 22 year old abby, future abby (who is, let’s say 24) says that boston is great. come on over!

if you ask 25 year old abby, future abby (who is, let’s say 27) happily skips across the lesley U stage during graduation. that MFA is totally worth it. so stop dilly dallying and apply already!

if you ask 29 year old abby, she’d tell everyone that she’s never typed her name so much. it’s to the point where the word abby sounds weird now. agreed?

and what would you tell abby (any age, any year, any incarnation) if she asked you to leave her a message so she has something to read upon her return to the states? OR you could just wish my friend melissa many happy returns of the day cause it’s her birfday. and that’s a cause for confetti.

general

excuses, or introducing linda grimes

abby mumford

most days, we don’t need a reason to skip out of work. but there are times when the drive to get things done overshadows our logical sense of laziness. and that is distressing indeed. if that happens, you know who you should call? linda grimes. not only will she make you laugh, but she’ll find a way to get you out of doing that horrid thing you were just about to do.

she’ll always come to the rescue. seriously, click on that. and then read the comments. you won’t regret it.

she can get you out of work, out of taking care of your kids, out of eating a healthy breakfast, out of cleaning your house, and out of any other pickle you might find yourself in. i think i want to make her pocket sized and carry her around all day long. chirping in my ear. forcing my productivity levels to zero.

think of how calm and relaxed i’d be! i wouldn’t worry that the dust bunnies from the bedroom have connected with the ones from the living room and are about to stage a mutiny. i wouldn’t spend one minute fussing over the lost roll of quarters because i don’t have to do any laundry. i wouldn’t be scared to have one extra drink because there are health benefits to having one drink a day and you only have the count the current drink in your hand. which is one. which means i’m health conscious!

and look, here she is in LIVE ACTION. (it’s just like we’re at the movies! is that popcorn i smell?) oh, but first, the background story. we (read: Twitterati) took a vote to declare wednesday #earlyfriday. enough people voted “aye” which means i don’t have to go to work on thursday because it’s technically saturday. but just in case, linda wrote me a “get out of work” note.

@linda_grimes: @abbymumford Dear Boss Person: Due to a localized glitch in the space/time continuum, Wed. is now Fri. Therefore, [insert name] will not be at work tomorrow, as it will be “Saturday.” Sincerely, Linda, Goddess of Excuses.

and since she was on a roll, @muftopmommy asked for a note of her own. and, of course, linda delivered.

@linda_grimes: @muftopmommy Dear Muftop-kiddos: If you don’t let Mommy take a nap, she will flip out and break ALL your toys. Sncrly, the Excuse Goddess

isn’t she grand? don’t you want to pinch her cheeks and give her a lollipop?

do YOU need any excuses cooked up? i’ll try to channel my inner linda grimes and help you out.

p.s. recently, people have been asking me more and more about my love of twitter. it’s this silly side that i love. and it’s not a waste of time, boss man, no indeed. i’m learning here. learning how to do less work in more time, sure, but what good is an employee who stops learning?

general

excerpt mania

abby mumford

“Babel Fish is a free language translation software. It’s also the reason why REAL translators will never lose their jobs.” So says Stephanie Perkins as she ran her an excerpt of her manuscript through the translator before posting it on her site. Hilarity ensues.

I decided to do the same. No, there aren’t legions of fans clamoring for a copy of my book.  There aren’t even editors or agents who are doing that (yet, I hope). But I am finalizing and polishing and getting excited about where my WIP is, so I wanted to share it. Although, I rarely talk about my book in anything other than the most vague terms, so what’s a girl to do that wants to thank her readers and share a bit of her writing at the same time? Run it through Babel Fish.

Without further ado, here is a snippet as translated from English to Portuguese and back again.

The heart of Riley jumps a stroke or four. The eyes expand and its drops of the mouth. It has a girl that she seats two feet far from it approximately; more it is spread well of what sitting down. Its members are spread wide with each foot and hand indic, making its look as one starfish.

Riley swallows an shout and the blinks ràpida to certify itself of are waked up and that this is real.

Its heart is compensating now for the time where it lost a moment has – it is beating so fast, it knows certainly that it is waked up and this is real. Of “where you lode? Who you are”

The blond hair of the girl is torsional and tangling as its main turns, looking at ambo same it and its arredors. Its blue eyes are taking above by the half of its face, but of the Riley certain if that one it is not its normal appearance or if that one is what its face makes on behalf of shock and of the surprise. It has something strange on the way that the girl looks at, but Riley cannot completely appear it for is. It decides that it must be the shock of a so uncommon arrival that is making its doubt its eyesight of 20/20.

“Who you are” Riley opens and closes its mouth to certify itself that it is working. “Where fêz you come of” It tries to say and high each word clearly, but its fear is not accurately conducive to the appropriate exposition.

The girl ignores Riley and continues to study itself.

The adrenalin of Riley delays a bit. It controls a deep breath. Another time makes same the two questions. E another time. Riley is starting to suspect that hallucinating, but on the other hand the girl slowly murmurs some words on clouds, cars, would mercearia and it. Crab walked some stages stops backwards, it carries through that começ cannot dsi far same and as soon as stop to turn yield, and twists its arm to look at its shoulder. It pricks its foot, it raises its knee, and wiggles its foot. That começ breathes more noisily and more quickly as alcanga until the sensation its hair, touches in its face, and pulls it in its ear. To look at perplexed more than and what a bit rightened, it turns for Riley. “I am I glue of Angela. I think that I am inoperative.”

Side falls on the o.

O.L.D.

i’m on tv!

abby mumford

2006-10-04 – 11:02 p.m.

so i’m diligently doing work during the commercials of project runway.

it’s a fedex commercial and there is a group of people standing in an office in front of a world map. there are push pins all over north america. the boss says “we now deliver to china. bob, put a push pin in china.”

bob puts a pin on the map. the boss says “that’s russia.”

bob moves the pin over. the boss says “that’s greenland. you have no idea where china is, do you?”

bob (standing right next to the map) pretends to trip, falls forward, grabs the map, and rips it down.

that is how i feel every time i see a map.